Friday, May 4, 2007

My Heavenly Pregnancy

Last night Penn and I looked at some of Nicknack's newborn photos together. Ah, Nicknack the newborn. He was the most precious thing you can imagine. It went by so quickly that I almost can't believe it ever happened. He was just so tiny and new. And now he's so strong and busy! Every day, several times a day, I wish for a time machine. Or magical remote. I'd love to rewind and relive, rewind and relive, rewind and relive. I don't want to lose sight of the present, of course! But I still long for the past, and he's only approaching his first birthday. I can just imagine how weepy I'll be when he graduates high school, gets married, etc.

But let's not think about the future. We're looking backward, again, today.

I'm thinking about what I was doing last year at this time. Let's see, I was hugely pregnant and full of anticipation. I had a very lovely pregnancy. No morning sickness. No heartburn. Pretty much bliss. I didn't work at all during the whole nine months so I took long baths, read lots of books about babies, spent hours planning the nursery and preparing his or her layette, and NAPPING! Lots of napping.

I just loved it. I loved the fact that my baby was always with me. I read out loud and sang to him all the time. I just couldn't imagine what he or she would be like. I was pretty comfortable most of the time. Penn absolutely spoiled me, even more than usual. Nightly backrubs, a big spa trip, all my favorite foods, all the time. I felt so important and special. I was somebody's mommy!

From the day I found out I was pregnant, I thought he'd be a boy. I also said, right from the beginning, whenever I'd tell people our due date was May 24th, that I thought he'd be late. He was born exactly one week after our due date. So I never was in a big hurry for him to arrive. Even as our due date approached, I was excited, but not in the usual "I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait!" way I would have expected. For the first time in my life I just enjoyed a season of my life without looking forward to something "better." I knew I might never get to be pregnant again and I just absolutely savored every minute of it.

The 40th and 41st week were the only two weeks I really felt really uncomfortable. It became difficult to sleep and the frequent visits to the loo got to be a bit much. It was during these last two weeks of pregnancy that I finally felt ready for the baby, ready to bid my lovely pregnancy adieu. It was bittersweet to close such a happy chapter, even though I knew something even more special was waiting.

I wish every woman who desires to could experience pregnancy. A really blessed, comfortable, easy pregnancy, with no complications.

We used to enjoy Scrubs, although the past few seasons it has really crossed the lines of good taste and is not something we continue to watch. However, I did catch a few minutes of it a few weeks back. On this particular episode, different characters were apparently visited by ghosts. (I don't really believe in ghosts, myself.) Anyhoo, one of these Doctors (Dr. Cox, I believe) was visited by a former character who had been depressed and committed suicide. She gleefully told him that she was in heaven now and in heaven, she got to be pregnant! And, quite obviously, she was. It's hard to describe, but it was an "aaaw, how cute!" kind of moment.

This was silly episode of an even sillier show, but I thought it was kind of a neat idea. I don't know exactly what heaven holds for us, but it is fun to think about. Maybe all the centuries of women who have longed for a child, but never conceived (or worse, grieved for a baby lost in miscarriage) get to experience carrying a baby in heaven. If so, I hope they have an experience similar to mine, because I wouldn't change a thing!

Thank you God for such a sweet blessing. Your tender, loving kindness and mercy takes my breath away.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Thank you for your comment on my pg pictures that I posted! I forgot all about those vivid dreams! Sounds like our pregnancies were similar too - hardly any of those pregnancy symptoms - just a blissful time enjoying being pregnant!