Friday, February 29, 2008

How to Know Whether or Not You Are Ready to Be a Parent Test

I just read this on an adoption web site and thought it was worth sharing:

How To Know Whether or Not You Are Ready to Be a Parent

Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.
Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls.
Cover the stains with crayons.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.
Have a friend spread them all over the house.
Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.
Do not scream. (this could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.
Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one live octopus.
Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.
Suspend from the ceiling with a cord.
Start the jug swinging.
Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.
When finished, dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 -12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water.
At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM.
Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.
Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.
Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.
Set alarm for 6:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast.
Keep this up for a few years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test:

Go to the nearest store that sells diapers.
Set your wallet on the counter.
Ask the clerk to help himself.
Now proceed to the nearest grocery store.
Call your employer and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.
While you're there, purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already has a small child.
Give them many, many helpful suggestions about on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners.
Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.
Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

And if after all this you realize there can be nothing better, then you're ready!
~ Author Unknown

Okay, the sleep part might be a little exaggerated, but the mess test is spot on.

And I have photographic proof. Here is what happens when one very stupid mama talks on the phone for fifteen minutes, around the corner and out of sight (although not earshot) from her toddler, who discovers the game cupboard.

Ta DA! (should be blown up for full experience)

I like this photo because if you look closely you can see a little Risk character in mid fling.

The best part was sliding on the cards.


Lisa said...

This is an absolute hoot!! I love it and have lived it. LOL
Yeah, the sleep part might be a little exaggerated - only a little.
The pix of Nicknack are adorable - he looks like he is having a blast!!
Thanks for sharing - it really made my day!!

Teri said...

He's just getting back at you for the home haircut! ;)

At least we know you kept it all in perspective, since you had your wits about you to grab your camera and take a picture and blog about it later!

Good job Mom!

Jules said...

I must not be ready to have a child yet. *lol* But your picture sure gave me a good chuckle. I can just imagine what it must have been like to get all of the pieces with the correct game box. :o)

Kim said...

I love that list! The pictures are the best :)

Janelle said...

OH NO!! I love how in times like Nicknack's mess we grab a camera first! Thanks for the photographic evidence that this is HARD work!!

Have fun cleaning...

Tracy said...

I bet the REAL fun was cleaning that up! Someone just gave us a book where each page is a puzzle (and not an easy one). The two little ones (they aren't even that little) thought they wanted to do some puzzles and dumped several of them. Fortunatly my husband and middle son LOVE puzzles. They took care of it for me. Never mind it was a mermaid princess puzzle book. :)

Janelle & Ella said...

Oh my goodness! That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard! Seriously. The funny thing is it's true. I will need to refer back to this post often for a good laugh.

connorcolesmom said...

That is Hilarious!!
When my 4 yr old was 2 he found the tupperware cabinet - it was a disaster. We still do not know where some of the lids are - hehe