Friday, October 12, 2007

Hi!

I haven't been posting much lately because I've been busier than usual. Actually. I have the same amount of things on my "to do" list, I'm just doing them. Which is time consuming and has distracted me from my blog. The house is clean, the laundry is caught up, I've been making dinner every night, and I have tackled organizational projects I'd been putting off for months and months.

And I haven't been spending much time with MacHenry, my laptop.

Today the Lillian Vernon kid's catalog arrived and I sat down with MacH to order a few things for Nicknack for Christmas. That was about 90 minutes ago. Because I decided to visit several websites and blogs. And made a few lists. And read a few articles. And just generally waste a lot of time. Valuable time. 3/4 of Nicknack's nap time, actually. Kind of a bonehead move. That's the only time in the day to get things accomplished that aren't possible with a 25 pound "helper" who seems determined to undo whatever I've just done. So I just wasted almost an entire nap!

I realize how much time my laptop sucks from my life. It's a black hole. Even more than television. Because TV time automatically has limits. Shows end. Sometimes I'll sit down for lunch and select a sitcom from my DVR list. If I fast forward through the commercials I have about 22 minutes before the recording ends. Of course, I can always choose to watch another show. And another. And another. I usually don't. But even if I did, at least a couple of hours don't disappear without me even realizing it, like they often do when I sit down with my laptop.

So I need to be more disciplined with my computer time. Set a timer. Limit myself to certain times of the day - evenings, after Nicknack has gone to bed, maybe. Open my laptop with a specific task in mind and close it when that task is complete. Something like that.

Because I like myself waaaaay more when I'm on top of my game. When the house is clean and free from clutter I maintain it. I make dinner. And maybe dessert. Keeping up with an already clean house is much easier and more pleasant than cleaning up a great big mess every few days and sitting around feeling bad because the house isn't tidy the rest of the time. I feel like I have so much more time! And I feel more motivated to do fun things with Nicknack. How about an impromptu trip to the park? After all, the house is clean!

I know there must be some people who genuinely are not affected by the state of their house. But my mood and self-esteem seem to be inexplicably intertwined with whether or not my home is in tip top shape.

If the house is messy I am messy. I might be wearing my pajamas. In the afternoon. I'm definitely not wearing any lipgloss. I probably brushed my teeth, but not necessarily my hair. I start to think about how I'm something like an unpaid maid. And not a very good one. My life is boring. I'm boring. Maybe I should get a job outside the home, since I'm not very good at this housewife gig.

When the house looks good my spirits are immediately lifted. Hey, what a beautiful day. I love my life. How lucky am I that this is my job? What a wonderful husband I have. What a great house we have.

etc.

I don't think housekeeping has much to do with being a good mother. I would never assume that another mama with a messy house was lacking as a parent. In fact, I once knew a woman whom I would categorize as a not-so-good-mom with the most immaculate home imaginable. But for some reason I stop feeling like a sucky mom and wife the instant the house hits company-ready status.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm actually making a home for my husband and son. You know, like a homemaker? Go figure.

Anyhoo, it's been so nice, and I'm more than happy to sacrifice a big chunk (almost all) of my computer time to keep up with my life.

So on that note, I'm not sure I'll be blogging much in the future. I'll probably post a blog when something happens that I want to record. I'll still keep up with all of your blogs, but not on a daily basis.

Now I'm going to publish this post and shut down my computer for the day so I can try to squeeze in a chore or two before my oh-so-helpful toddler wakes from his nap...

7 comments:

Alana said...

I feel the same way. The state of my home is definitely is linked to something in my psyche.

Messy = Bad
Clean = Good

I hope you keep it up and will look forward to hearing from you when you have something to share!

connorcolesmom said...

Oh I totally understand. I have made sure that I only get on the computer during naptime or after the boys are in bed. I also make sure that other things are done before I log on b/c it is so easy to lose track of time.
We will miss hearing from you and I will check on you on occassion to see how you are :)
Love ya,
Kim

Nikki said...

Wow. Freaky. You are me. From suffering the blahs and tiredness recently, through to my mood (or more like "general feelings" reflecting the state of my house. When I feel behind in my home, I cook less, I get tired, I procrastinate more. And the computer sucks up more of my time! WE EVEN HAVE THE SAME BLOG BACKGROUND!

Perhaps I should now move away from the computer and tidy the mess my girls (ok, and maybe I made a little of it too!) have made, while they're still asleep!

Janelle said...

Good for you! I am in the same boat! Hope we all get it together!

Janelle & Ella said...

Wise words! You make very good points. Definitely I feel like the laptop sucks the time away from my family too. It's a lesson in discipline that's for sure. Thanks for your honesty! I think most of us can relate.

Susan said...

Just checking on you...missing you!
Susan

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

Oh yes, I can relate. I really like myself and my life better when my house is in order. I love how you said it feels good to be making a home for your husband and child. You're so right!