Things I Never Want to Forget

Things I never want to forget about carrying Nicknack (in no particular order):

1. The way he always had the hiccups! It worried me to no end;

2. The way he got up in the middle of the morning (between 4 and 4:30am) and bounced, jumped, and did a jig;

3. Singing "Teddy Bear Picnic" to him, especially in the bathtub;

4. Seeing his first ultrasound, at seven weeks. His heartbeat - bink, bink, bink - is why we started calling him Bink Bink, then Bink. In fact, a week after his birth we almost changed his name to Brinkley, because we couldn't stop calling and thinking of him as Bink!

5. The other ultrasound, when we got to really see him for the first time. He waved to us!

6. The joy of shopping at Babies R' Us and belonging!

7. The fun of setting up the nursery. Especially when the glider arrived, just sitting in it, rocking, and imagining
what was to be!

8. The cuteness of the little layette clothes and tiny little diapers!

9. Always wearing pink;

10. Packing for the hospital and buying new things (bathrobe, slippers socks, earrings) so I could look extra cute for this delivery (HA!)

11. Attending the birth classes and reading all the books and feeling like the most prepared (and therefore bound to be the best and most perfect) parents!

12. Always having him with me; taking him wherever I went;

13. Realizing what God had done for us and committing Nicknack to his care;

14. Walking into the bathroom to clean it and noticing myself beaming - just grinning! - in the bathroom mirror, without even intending to... I was just that happy!

15. Putting together the stroller, the crib, etc. It was a hassle, but so neat to see baby gear sitting around the house! Also, driving around with a car seat;

16. The fact that I always thought he'd be a boy, from the second I learned we were expecting. In fact, I'd actually bought some baby clothes before I even found out, because I couldn't resist their cuteness. And, for the first time, it was boy clothing I couldn't resist!

17. The fact that I always predicted he'd be late; he arrived one week after his due date.

18. Finally getting to obsess about baby names and having it not be weird.

19. Coming up with his name, even though it had never made our top ten list, or even been considered. Also, the fact that Penn and I tend to be on the same page about most things, even potential baby names;

20. The feeling of importance and meaning; I was somebody's Mama now. Penn and I felt like more than just a couple now - we felt like a family!

My Heavenly Pregnancy

Last night Penn and I looked at some of Nicknack's newborn photos together. Ah, Nicknack the newborn. He was the most precious thing you can imagine. It went by so quickly that I almost can't believe it ever happened. He was just so tiny and new. And now he's so strong and busy! Every day, several times a day, I wish for a time machine. Or magical remote. I'd love to rewind and relive, rewind and relive, rewind and relive. I don't want to lose sight of the present, of course! But I still long for the past, and he's only approaching his first birthday. I can just imagine how weepy I'll be when he graduates high school, gets married, etc.

But let's not think about the future. We're looking backward, again, today.

I'm thinking about what I was doing last year at this time. Let's see, I was hugely pregnant and full of anticipation. I had a very lovely pregnancy. No morning sickness. No heartburn. Pretty much bliss. I didn't work at all during the whole nine months so I took long baths, read lots of books about babies, spent hours planning the nursery and preparing his or her layette, and NAPPING! Lots of napping.

I just loved it. I loved the fact that my baby was always with me. I read out loud and sang to him all the time. I just couldn't imagine what he or she would be like. I was pretty comfortable most of the time. Penn absolutely spoiled me, even more than usual. Nightly backrubs, a big spa trip, all my favorite foods, all the time. I felt so important and special. I was somebody's mommy!

From the day I found out I was pregnant, I thought he'd be a boy. I also said, right from the beginning, whenever I'd tell people our due date was May 24th, that I thought he'd be late. He was born exactly one week after our due date. So I never was in a big hurry for him to arrive. Even as our due date approached, I was excited, but not in the usual "I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait!" way I would have expected. For the first time in my life I just enjoyed a season of my life without looking forward to something "better." I knew I might never get to be pregnant again and I just absolutely savored every minute of it.

The 40th and 41st week were the only two weeks I really felt really uncomfortable. It became difficult to sleep and the frequent visits to the loo got to be a bit much. It was during these last two weeks of pregnancy that I finally felt ready for the baby, ready to bid my lovely pregnancy adieu. It was bittersweet to close such a happy chapter, even though I knew something even more special was waiting.

I wish every woman who desires to could experience pregnancy. A really blessed, comfortable, easy pregnancy, with no complications.

We used to enjoy Scrubs, although the past few seasons it has really crossed the lines of good taste and is not something we continue to watch. However, I did catch a few minutes of it a few weeks back. On this particular episode, different characters were apparently visited by ghosts. (I don't really believe in ghosts, myself.) Anyhoo, one of these Doctors (Dr. Cox, I believe) was visited by a former character who had been depressed and committed suicide. She gleefully told him that she was in heaven now and in heaven, she got to be pregnant! And, quite obviously, she was. It's hard to describe, but it was an "aaaw, how cute!" kind of moment.

This was silly episode of an even sillier show, but I thought it was kind of a neat idea. I don't know exactly what heaven holds for us, but it is fun to think about. Maybe all the centuries of women who have longed for a child, but never conceived (or worse, grieved for a baby lost in miscarriage) get to experience carrying a baby in heaven. If so, I hope they have an experience similar to mine, because I wouldn't change a thing!

Thank you God for such a sweet blessing. Your tender, loving kindness and mercy takes my breath away.